Okay, I will be the first to admit that I completely and utterly failed on the whole "blog" thing during my last surrogate adventure. I am in the beginning processes of starting journey number three and I want to document this particular journey for reasons that will be discussed later but also because already this has been the most heart felt and meaningful surrogacy to me, my heart is full already and we are still a whole 3 months away from getting knocked up.
So lets recap the last surrogate adventure:
I met my intended parents through the agency I was using at the time. These guys were great. Immediately we hit it off and we knew that this was the path that was meant for us all. We transferred two embryos using one Intended Fathers (IF) sperm and donor eggs. A few weeks later we were able to locate one amazing heart beat. Fast forward a few months and we found out it was a boy! My husband thinks I am destined to have all surrogate boys (the twins in the first journey were also both boys). The pregnancy was smooth and easy like the others. Everything was going great. At about 33 weeks I started feeling like my bladder was failing me. I felt like every time I moved I was "sprinkling" myself a little. I didn't think much of it, any woman who has been pregnant knows this is not the most uncommon thing especially after I just carried 6lb twins the year before. So for a week I just went about my day, trying to ignore my lazy, no-good bladder. Then I started to question what was really going on...this liquid did not seem to be very urine-y, and it was now leaking at a more consistent and heavier rate. I talked to some of my close surro sisters and they suggested going to Labor and Delivery (L&D) to get checked out in case it was my water leaking. I resisted for a day thinking how embarrassed I will be if I go in there to check and they are like "Amanda...you are just pissing yourself, go get some depends and go home." Eventually my mom talked me into calling. Sure enough L&D wanted me to come get checked. We left my office and headed to the hospital. I did not bring anything expect my purse because..why?! They were just going to send me home (btw: why is that every pregnant woman's fear?). I get settled in on the triage bed and the nurse tested the liquid with this popsicle stick looking thing and the stupid stick turned bright blue! "what does that mean!?" I asked. The nurse says "Honey, that means you better get comfortable, because you are not leaving until you deliver that baby." I then proceeded to cry. Because when you are 33 weeks pregnant, that is the most reasonable solution to any problem. Duh.
I was then moved to my "permanent" room and awaited my doctor. She came a few hours later and just shook her head. I loved my doctor, she was a no none sense woman. She never failed to tell it like it is. She performed an ultrasound to check the water lever. Surprisingly my water still looked full and baby was happy. She informed me that I was now on Hospital Bed Rest until the delivery of this baby. I was to lay in the awful hospital bed all day, only getting up to use the rest room. They were concerned that any wrong move would create a larger tear and lead to me delivering the baby before he was ready. They pumped me full of steroids to mature his lungs just in case. I informed the dads and they spoke with my doctor. The plan was to have me cook baby as long as he would stay. I spent a week in that room. It was a very lonely week. Major kudos to my husband who took over the kids, the house, the pets, the cheer practice runs, the dance practice runs, the school pick up and drop off and still managed to come by every day after work to visit and entertain me. I know that could not be easy on him. But like I have said before, he is amazing! People would visit here and there after work but there were so many hours of the day that I sat there alone.
The guilt set in.
I questioned what I did wrong, what I could have done to prevent this. I felt guilty about leaving my girls and husband. I was missing work. Most of all I felt like I had failed my the babys dads. They trusted me with this little soul and somehow I messed it up. I was very hard on myself. *Now, 2 years later I look back with a clear head and can see that it was that week that the Postpartum Depression that I battled for a few months after this birth began to rear its ugly head.* A certain accumulation of circumstances arose which lead to the decision that I would be induced early in the morning on August 29th, 2016. I was exactly 34 weeks. The dads came in the day before and we had a great visit and we were all ready to meet this little trouble maker of a baby.
D-Day:
I woke up at 5am on induction day, I had to make sure I had time to do full hair and makeup before we got this party started. My births are always CRAZY fast! first contraction to baby is about 3-4 hours on average for me. Soon the dads, their parents, my mom and the amazing Janae Krell from AllThingsSurrogacy.org who I am lucky enough to have become great friends with, all arrived at the hospital. We started the pitocin at 6am and my doctor said she was going to grab some food and she will be back to deliver. She told the nurses "Once that pitiocin starts, she will be pushing in no time, call me if i am not back in time." We were ready! We laughed and talked and joked...I walked the halls...hour 1 passed...then hour 2...then hour 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 passed....NOTHING! I was still talking through the small contractions. I walked, I squatted, I bounced, I tried all the positions to get this thing rolling and nothing. By hour 12 they have the pitocin jacked up to the highest setting of 10. This baby did not want to come. All of a sudden BAM! Contractions from hell. It was like my body finally accepted the 12 hours of crazy amounts of pitocin being pumped into me. I had back to back contractions, and when I say that, I mean PEAK TO PEAK contractions. There was no break or "down hill" marks on the contraction monitor it was peak to peak to peak. I was shaking, crying and beginning to hyperventilate. My body was becoming overwhelmed with the unrelenting contractions. The nurses and doctors were worried they knew this was not safe for me or baby. They cranked the machine down and let my body take over. It took a while for the contractions to calm down and I was then able to get an epidural. Finally at hour 17 little 6lb baby "S" was delivered. All the nurses were in tears and even my tough usually emotionless doctor was crying. It was truly an emotional and beautiful delivery. Once I was moved back to recovery the nurse hugged me and told me how awe struck she was and that she will never forget this birth, her first surrogate experience. I cried, shoved a sandwich in my face (I had not eaten anything in over 24hours at that point) and got some much needed sleep.
In the weeks and months that followed I battled PPD and anxiety. I have never had it with any other pregnancy. I spoke with my doctor and got the help I needed and I am back to myself again. I don't feel like getting into that right now though.
Today baby "S" is a happy beautiful baby. His dads are looking for a surrogate to give him a sibling. I cannot wait to see pictures of baby "S" as a big brother. I didn't plan to be a surrogate again. I was not against it but surrogacy is hard. It is incredibly beautiful and fulfilling but it is a physically demanding task. So I just went about my busy life.
Earlier this year someone very close to my heart inquired about using a surrogate to achieve their dreams of having a child. I gave them all the information I could. After talking back and forth for a while giving her suggestions on how to find a surrogate, an agency, the legal aspects, and just what to expect in general, I got those little butterflies. For us surrogates, these butterflies don't reside in our stomachs but in our hearts and wombs. Alright, that was super cheesy..but whatever...it was a cheese-ball moment, okay?! Eventually my bleeding heart offered to be their surrogate so that they wouldn't have to endure the high fees of an agency or have to compensate a surrogate. Also, we know and trust each other. I trust them with every part of me and I imagine they trust me just as much because they were overjoyed at my offer. I am so excited about this journey. It will be amazing! Currently I have been screened and approved by their fertility clinic they are in discussions with a lawyer. So stay tuned, there is more to come and I cannot wait until we can tell everyone that there is a baby on the way for this amazing couple!
Xoxo
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